Saturday, 1 September 2012

FOOD AND LIFE: The right choice

Despite, the war in my head, i finally made the 'right' choice to try and up my calories and become more healthy.
But that let me to ask the question what is 'healthy'?
  • does it simply mean to have a healthy BMI, regardless of your mental state.
  • To be eating a healthy diet but still be at a low weight
  • to enjoy food.
  • to eat only wholemeal, organic, non-processed foods
  • to out any 'bad' foods from your diet.

It's been many years (3) since i have been at what my doctors call a 'healthy' weight, the reason why i have never gotten back up to this weight is simple, i'm not in the right frame of mind, my head is still ruled by the anorexic voice inside my head. I do not WANT to be that weight.
'Recovery' i cannot claim to say that i am in it, as this my first day on my 'new' meal plan and as i write this i have only completed my breakfast of 2 weetabix biscuits, soya milk, wholetoast with jam and a snack pack of raisins. I still have 2snack, lunch, dinner and supper to go. I have often thought about recovery and planned in my head all the lovely, healthy, organic recipes i will try but it ends there just a thought, i never get round to actually do it. I think the reason i very 'do it' is am scared, scared of a lot of things
  • never ending weight gain
  • eating more than others
  • be seen as greedy
  • clothes becoming tight
  • having to buy the size up
  • seeing people that are smaller than me (somehow this is very trigger for me, i see someone smaller and instanly want to be smaller than them, therefore reduce my calorie intake)
I also wonder if i am focusing too much on my calorie intake, can i ever truly recovery if i am constantly counting calories?
My new menu plan, is around 1300 calories a day, which is probably not enough but head is unsure of what is the 'normal' amount of calories and what  my anorexia thinks is 'normal'

Because Im sad, i have an obession with writing anything down, i even have a food diary that i write in everyday, that is something i probably need to stop if i am ever going to truely, fully recover

ASDA’S good for you tuna pasta bake
ASDA’S good for you chicken, basil and tomato pasta.

Tuna OR chicken chunks with chopped peppers , udon noodles in a sweet ‘n’ sour sauce


Meat free Bolognese  with udon noodles
Meat free savoury mince with veg and potatoes.
served with beans or veg and couscous or potatoes. 

with mixed beans
or tuna and salad.

Chicken breast, veg, mash and roast potatoes.

ASDA frozen chicken chow Mein

2 Weetabix with soya milk topped with raisins and a slice of wholemeal toast and jam.
LUNCHWholegrain pitta filled with chicken and cucumber with an apple and a low fat yoghurt
Jordan's  original crunchy bar
2 rice cakes sandwiched together with jam

Cereal and soya milk

I'm so scared about starting this new meal plan, but i need to do it and i'm going to. I know it will be hard but anything worth doing is always hard, so deep breathes lucy, deep breathes. It will be fine, you will be fine, your won't suddenly put on 10stone in one day

wish me luck!

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